Confessions of an arab non-virgin
In the spirit of Easter, naturally I’m thinking about sex. Well, sex and religion. The two things don’t mix but as a second generation Arabian gal, they REALLY don’t mix. My parents are pretty conservative and raised me and my siblings as Christians. They taught us to wait until we’re married to have sex and scared the shit out of me at age 13 when they told me, “if you have sex before marriage, the devil will take you in the night.”
While this might have had me spooked for a few years, I ended up doing the deed when I was 18, and to my delight, the devil did not take me in the night. I always wanted to ask other Arab girls about the devil thing but I felt like they might’ve really believed their parents threats to an extent. I never really had other Arab friends because they were super judgmental of my lifestyle and in my opinion, they were far too prude. I never really cared about my lack of Arab friends and abandoned the idea of ever trying to connect with them during my late teens and all throughout college. Now that I’m a bit older and settled into myself, I felt it might be nice to have a sense of community but after trying to connect with a bunch recently, I still can’t shake the feeling of being judged. Or feeling like everyone is all the same or that I’m the only girl that has gone past second base. On the other hand, it was always hard to hold on to all the morals my parents instilled in me and make friends with kids of other cultures. It’s like I was too slutty for my culture and not slutty enough for everyone outside of the Arab world.
Like most middle eastern countries, girls get married off pretty young. Honestly, besides having all the pressure in the world from their parents to get married, I think they do it so quickly so that they can finally have sex! I swear it. I’ve already been to 3 Arab weddings this year and some of the couples were just 21 years old. While to some that might be kind of an old age to still be a virgin, it’s certainly not an old age to be married. It had me thinking, is it really so bad to test the waters before tying the knot? Why are women still being called whores for sleeping with whomever they please? And to most Arab men, girls who have lost their virginity are undesirable and can’t be married. It’s 2020 and these ideals still hold true in my culture.
I will always wonder if this is just a stigma I have to accept forever or if there are others in my community who feel the same way and are just good at hiding it. Like will I really be damned to hell for having sex even though I’m not such a “sinful” person? Can anyone else relate?