It doesn’t have to be spooky szn for you to get ghosted

I’m a ghost, you’re a ghost, he’s a ghost…let's get into the psyche of a ghost.

Ghosting: a dating/relationship tactic taking millennials by storm. Picture this: you’ve been seeing someone for a couple months, texting all the time and then POOF bitch they’re gone. You’re left on read, calls are never returned. I think we’ve all been there. Ghosting is a spooky phenomenon because you’re left in the dust without any warning/explanation and they get away with that shit too. A survey done by Plenty of Fish reported that 80% of their millennial users had been victims of ghosting. That’s a pretty large percentage right there. But why do we treat people like shit?

In a world where everyone is constantly on their phones and always interacting through different social media platforms, you would think there’s no reason to be ignored right? Wrong. In terms of  break up methods, they all fall somewhere on the spectrum between open confrontation and avoidance. Somewhere in the middle is the “mediated” approach where one might communicate to a mutual friend that they want to break up. Essentially, this mutual friend acts like a third party mediator who delivers the message. Ghosting is the type of limbo that mixes avoidance and also mediation together, with social media acting as the mediator. I cannot think of a worse way to get the message than seeing someone you like ignoring your ass and posting pictures living their best life, maybe even with another girl/guy.

Let’s get technical 

Let’s say you’re a ghostee and you see the above example demonstrated before you. You might think to yourself “what’s wrong with me? What did I do/say? Why was I rejected?” But before you spiral out of control and blame yourself, know that ghosting divulges sooo  much more about the ghost than it does you. Since ghosts avoid every means of communication, it reflects that they have an avoidant attachment lifestyle meaning they avoid closeness at all costs. Their ghostage is a reflection of their own insecurities and personality flaws.  So if you’ve been ghosted without being in a relationship, you’re saving yourself! Clearly, this person doesn’t want a relationship and probably would’ve dragged you through a miserable shit storm of negative energy.

But why am I feeling hurt AF?

Although you might have been spared, that shit still hurts. Research tells us that rejection triggers the same parts of the brain as physical pain. Your brain responds well to normal social cues so, when they're taken away via a ghost, it’s normal to feel completely crazy & not know how to act. These feelings are heightened if you’re naturally a sensitive person or you don’t take ambiguity well. Besides feeling the pain of rejection you get hit with that double whammy of stress and overall confusion. 

How to be a ghostbuster:

Easier said than done, but let that ghost fly away and ignore the shit out of them on social media because out of sight, out of mind. Find closure in knowing that you’re better than that and you deserve someone who gives you the attention you deserve  and actually gives a shit about your feelings. And finally, break the cycle and don’t become a ghost yourself! Are you a ghost or a ghostee? Or both? Let us know below!